Last summer, my spouse and I bravely left our sweet son with a babysitter to attend Blue Ridge Pride’s fundraiser, the Stonewall Gala. As we were waiting in line to have our tickets scanned, I heard, “Oh, hey Emily!” and turned to find a colleague from work smiling at me, a “Volunteer” name tag on his lapel. 

Once inside, I texted one of our mutual friends from work, who is also queer: I just saw [Colleague] volunteering at the BRP Gala – I didn’t know he was gay! 

To which he responded: Girl, he’s not gay. He’s just really into being an ally. 

And I realized a few things all at once: 1) I didn’t expect a young, cisgender, heterosexual man to volunteer his time at an LGBTQIA+ event; 2) I was more ready to assume that my perceptions of someone’s sexuality were incorrect than think they are a great ally; and 3) I would have a lot of work to do to unpack my reaction to all this. 

Then, I had a great chicken dinner and enjoyed speeches and drag surrounded by queer folks and allies from UU Asheville and beyond. 

*** 

The Pride+ team at UU Asheville is vibrant. Since joining in 2023, I’ve watched many folks join for the first time, come to events, volunteer, and make things happen. This congregation was fighting for LGBTQIA+ rights long before I became a Unitarian Universalist, and long before I came out of the closet in 2015. The Pride+ team here is filled with allies who have dedicated years of volunteering energy toward LGBTQIA+ rights, and I cannot express my gratitude for them enough. 

I don’t think any of these active and engaged allies would be offended to be called “mature in age.”

To be involved in a UU congregation (to be reading this blog!), you hopefully believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person, and I have yet to meet a UU who does not support LGBTQIA+ people. But when I look around our beautifully crowded sanctuary on Sunday mornings, I wonder what holds folks back from becoming more involved with the Pride+ team. 

Of course, folks are busy. If you’ve recently seen me sprinting after my toddler in Sandburg Hall, you know that I understand when familial obligations render some days and times unavailable for folks to participate. Work, health, and other justice initiatives further take up chunks of our time – I frequently come back to Rev. Audette’s important advice to not attempt to do everything about everything. For me, LGBTQIA+ rights are everything. My family, legally and socially, depends on the continued advancement and maintenance of queer rights in this increasingly hostile country. 

But I also wonder if allies, especially those without immediate queer family members, hesitate to participate in Pride+ and Pride events for other reasons. From talking with folks, I have gathered a few reasons people might hesitate: 

1. They don’t want to taint a queer space with their cisgender/heterosexual presence.
2. They are afraid of doing or saying something unintentionally offensive or uninformed.
3. They have done or said something out of ignorance previously. 

Allow me to assuage you, if this applies to you, of these fears!

First: I love seeing allies at Pride events! Any event not marked “for LGBTQIA+ people only” can be assumed to be open to allies. Spending money at queer-owned and supportive businesses, wearing Pride gear, and breaking bread alongside queer folks shows that you can be counted on in allyship. Forming bonds with elder allies healed parts of me that I did not know had fractured. Your presence matters. 

Importantly, allyship is an ongoing process of engagement and application. Engaging with queer films, books, performances, and neighbors allows us to expand our understandings of sexuality, gender, and language. I think we often assume that “learning” about the LGBTQIA+ community is all about the boring grammatical minutia of pronouns, but learning new perspectives also means the world is rendered in infinitely more possibilities for individuals, communities, families, and ecologies. 

And finally, I know that you have done or said something out of ignorance previously – because you are human! My aforementioned toddler, made and reared entirely by queer folks, surrounded by queer books, exposed to rainbows and pink since birth, has started gendering all people he sees (“He running!” “That her bike”) because of the contours of the English language and the human programming to sort by type as a mode of meaning making. 

I also know that you are essentially good of spirit, and that you strive to correct any missteps you make that hurt others – because you are human! It is okay to say, I once spoke out of less understanding, or fear, or ignorance, and I will do something different moving forward. 

***

But where to start? Well, you could come to our Pride+ potluck at 6:00 on Tuesday, June 16 in Sandburg Hall! 

You could attend a local Pride event this month, and make sure to stop by (or even volunteer?) with Pride+ at Blue Ridge Pride in September (and be on the lookout for our ice cream social in September as well!). You could buy a book by a queer author from a local, independent bookstore, or make sure that you bring a book like The GayBCs to your next baby shower. You could buy an album by a queer musician. You could donate or volunteer for a local queer organization, either just once or on a recurring basis. You could come to our Pride+ meetings in the future. 

Or, you could go out of your way to be a little more kind and inclusive to the queer people in your neighborhood, your grocery store, your workplace, or your family. We could certainly use it, and will not soon forget that kindness. 

Emily Brier | Co-lead, Pride+ at UUAvl